Healthy Boundaries on Financial Support for Adult Children

As families contend with inflation and staggering housing costs, more adult children are drawing on the “Bank of Mom and Dad” for everything from rent to student loans—even vacations—well into their 20s and 30s.

As I shared with The Daily Upside, this extended financial support can add up quickly, often derailing even the most diligent retirement plans. “I’ve seen everything from the family phone plan that never dies to parents paying for housing, student loans, or even vacations. Some have delayed retirement, taken on part-time work, or cut back on their own spending or savings.”

The stats are striking: according to a TopResume survey cited in the article, over half of parents help their adult kids with about $500 a month, while nearly a third spend $1,000 or more—and the “tab” can run for years. In some cases, parents are spending 11% to 20% of their own monthly income supporting their children’s job searches or daily costs, with one in four reporting this generosity directly delays their own retirement.

Why does this happen? Partly, parents genuinely want to help—especially when young adults face high rent, steep debt, and shaky starting salaries. But, as I commented, the risk isn’t just what’s “given away.” It often results in parents working longer, saving less, and sacrificing their own financial security, potentially without making kids more independent. “Some have delayed retirement, taken on part-time work or cut back on their own spending or savings,” I noted in the article.

So, what’s the solution? Experts—myself included—agree: clarity, boundaries, and candor are key. Show clients (or yourself) how many years earlier they could retire if they pared back this ongoing support, and explicitly budget for any help you do want to provide. “If a parent sends their child a check, that money always ends up disappearing, and they’re going to want more,” another advisor warns, while paying for a specific bill (like phone or insurance) results in less outflow and healthier boundaries.

Bottom line:

Helping your kids is admirable, but the line between support and sabotage often gets blurry. As I tell clients, delaying your retirement to cover your adult children’s expenses isn’t just a matter of generosity—it’s a high-stakes choice with long-term consequences for all. The best approach: make a plan, set boundaries, have honest conversations, and remember that fostering independence is a gift in itself.